First Comes Love..

Well Damn.

Committment, Marriage, & Me. Most times I feel like the third wheel..which is to say in a very unclear way: I’m afraid of commitment. “So?” you ask, smugly puffing your sherlock holmes pipe, “What young man isn’t?” ..hmm, well let me clarify.

I want to get married. I want kids.

“So. what’s the problem?” As you puff smoke circles into the air.

I’m not 100% certain. I think it has alot to do with:

1. Unrealistic expectations (Inner dialogue: My wife should have the body of Beyonce, the intellect of a Jr. NASA scientist, and the emotional warmth of patti labelle)

2. Mixed up views of what a a marriage meant: I thought being married meant a lifetime redbox movie/cutty buddy. Having someone to live happily ever after with. A person forged by the hand of God sooo perfect that I’d be hard pressed to find a flaw on her worst day. Someone whose needs blended perfectly with my moods so that I’d never have to choose between watching the game and “quality time”

Plus I know me. I tend to fall for personalities..and hard. I’m 100% committed when i’m in it.

But since i’m such a good learner. And i’ve had my heart broken in the past. Or to be honest..had a heart that got broken, cremated, then sprinkled in the hobo staircases near libraries, I have a bad habit of pulling the eject button when people get too close. Disappearing. Being flaky. Taking a year away from women *shakes head* (Nah that was actually a good idea). Sometimes I feel like I need to sit down with the telephone cord that is my intentions and untangle everything.

All this. Kinda puts me at  a decreased chance of getting married.

Recently saw this video:

Which totally changed the way that I viewed marriage. Immediately after viewing it, I realized that I had viewed marriage from a totally selfish viewpoint. I viewed it as finding a woman who I was attracted to, who could meet my needs, keep me entertained, give me kids, etc.. I mean I knew that sacrifice would be required, but I don’t think I really gave a thought to just how much would be required until I saw this video.

Till death do we part. That’s a big promise.



Each Day..


What can I do to make this year count?

How can I change my life for the better this year?

Why am I not who/where I want to be?

Who is holding me back?

Who do I need to say no to in order to say yes to me?