Getting Back Into the Game

So I’m on a mission to get some things done after a particularly slow couple of months. I haven’t really been on any timeline to get anything done. This has been really nice. And by nice, I mean life changing.

One of the big things I’m learning in this time period is learning to really just relax. Put down the white board, the checklists, the constant need to measure myself against my ideal self, or the millions of more successful people than me that can be found on my timeline/feed/blogroll.

I’m learning to just exhale, accept myself and my flaws and try to grow organically.

For those that know me, this can seem disconcerting and even alarming.

However, I’ve been feeling the itch to get back active and move on to conquering the next big goal. I’ve decided to give myself a small short-term challenge which I’ll document here in order to push myself. Here is the outline for the challenge so far:

  • Write 6 chapters of an Ebook that I’ve outlined
  • Buy/Design BPR website
  • Listen to 6 BCPS lectures
    • Gastroenterology
    • Infectious Disease
    • Fluids, Electrolytes, and nutrition
    • Pharmacokinetics
    • Geriatrics
    • Critical Care
  • Listen to 8 podcasts and take notes then create 1-3 action steps for each.

I’m giving myself until 10/1/15 to get all this done. And as noted above, I’m going to keep track of my progress and thoughts on the blog. Also to spice things up – I’m going to tell a close friend that I’ll give them $200 if I don’t hit all my targets. I really don’t want to lose that $200. Let the games begin!

Forgiving oneself: A primer

This is a follow up to the love you deserve post. Only feelings that deserved to die were murdered during the making of this post.

So. For some of us during this thing called life, we will make decisions we regret. We will maybe hurt people we didn’t mean to. We may do things that a later version of ourselves (i.e. You 2.0) may look back upon in wonderment, awe, and dismay. These mistakes, whether big or small, may grow muscles and lungs, and take on a life of their own. They may use their strength and voice to later accuse us of being something less than who we really are. People from our past may agree with these loud, muscle bound mistakes. In fact, there may be a general consensus as to who you are to a great many people.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, these mistakes, and the people who saw them born cannot know who you are today. They may have missed your “damascus road” moment. They may not have been present when you moved away from your old self. They may not have seen you peel off your old self like  a snake skin. They may have missed the hours, days, and years that you slaved away at becoming someone unrecognizable to them. Your now different inside. They can’t see the brand new skin on your heart. Or the scars from the operation that replaced your thought patterns.

So you can’t really blame these people. You can’t be mad at them. For not having X-ray emotional vision.

But you can’t believe them. You have to decide they’re liars. Not on purpose. But because they don’t know any better.

You have to decide to forgive yourself. You have to decide to believe what someone else says about you. Someone whose opinion is never wrong.

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” – Psalm 139:14



An Un-kept Promise.

I’ve been trying to keep a promise to God that I made a while back.

My Promise <– I made this promise probably close to about a year ago..unfortunately I stumbled…consistently.. for about a year until I came to a place where I finally decided that I should, could, and would strive to keep my promise. So if I've been a little distant ..i'm working on changing myself to be more respectful, a better honorer of women, and most importantly a Whole Man. Not the world's definition of a I expect most to not understand. Which is Ok. As long as I love what I see in the mirror.


What I have to re-realize..

Is that life in America is not the norm.
For the vast majority of people deciding between a job that pays more than enough to survive and one that pays way more than enough to survive isn’t in the normal order of things.
For most people, life is a struggle.
Life is tough.
Life is hand-to-hand combat with a million different daily Goliath’s.
When I get ready to complain, or get disgusted because I’m not comfortable.
When I wonder why “perfect” hasn’t arrived
When I wonder why my IDEAL isn’t realized
When I ask “How much longer must I wait”?

I need to take step back. Slip on my boxer gloves. Shut up.
Straighten my mouth-guard.
Then get back to the fight that is life.