You ever feel like your on a merry-go-around and you keep passing a particular face in the crowd over and over?
And the person you keep passing is yourself?
Maybe your best self? The self that you imagine you can be? I’m hoping on every revolution that I’m getting closer and closer to him.
But, sometimes I’m not certain.
Anyway, what’s the post about?
Just came out of my shell to write another reminder to myself to make sure that I’m focusing on the right things. I’m struggling to come up for air from another work bender due to some issues with the car that make me think that it’s on its last legs.
As a result, I flew into a tizzy ..working all the hours available this side of the mason-Dixon.
Somewhere right in the midst of reaching my savings goal (so I wouldn’t have to take out a car loan)- I started to sense that I was off track.
That somehow, someway, I had missed the mark once again.
One day, while toiling away, making steady progress toward my GOAL, I had a thought float to the surface of my brain. “What happens when you reach this goal Okenna?”
I paused. Thought on my feet and answered quickly, “well, duh, I’ll have reached the goal! Then I’ll be …happier, less stressed, more peaceful..right?”
I looked behind me at all the conquered goals and achievements and milestones and realized that my life has been a hamster wheel of achievement and centered around the pursuit of “excellence”. And that more success had not exactly led to contentment. More money has not always led to a sense of security.
My next question was directed at God. “Ok, God, I get it. If this next purchase/achievement isn’t going to lead to eternal happiness, what should I be putting my energy toward?”
The answer was simple and somewhat surprising.
“It’s people, stupid.”
Ok, to be clear, God didn’t call me an idiot. Although, if He did, He wouldn’t have been wrong. Upon reflection, it was very interesting to me that I could have missed the plot for soo long.
I’ve ruminated before how our society makes it easy for us to focus on the trappings of success and the process of hard work as our “raison d’etre”. Our society rewards a puritan work ethic and claps for the people who accumulate wealth, no matter what the sacrifices that they’ve had to make. For the first 3 decades of my life, and actually even right this second, work ethic has been a constant that has helped me to overcome tough (immigrant) beginnings, bad decisions (Oh lord, my 20’s), and helped me to build a life that I can be proud of.
More and more I’m realizing that the template set up for me to follow will not lead to long-term happiness. What’s difficult is formulating a template that will work for me.. It’s always more difficult creating something vs. copying, but usually more rewarding.
Fly or Fall.