A couple of years ago I think I was listening to a sermon by Andy Stanley, where he was talking about the definition of “Integrity”.
I hadn’t taken time to really ever think of Integrity and had assigned it some definition related to virtue and being a person of upstanding person hood.
That is definitely one possible definition.
However, for some reason, this definition didn’t resonate with me. Probably because I’ve run into too many examples of human frailty parading itself as the epitome of moral idealism. For me, the most interesting (and perhaps attainable) definition was that of wholeness.
Wholeness. Being undivided. Being one.
That to me, resonates, as both achievable for the average human being and yet more challenging than one would sometimes suspect.
This had been a particular struggle for me. When I was younger I made some decisions that I wasn’t always proud of; sometimes I still struggle with shame and feelings of not being worthy. As a result I had some puzzle pieces of my life that weren’t given quite the same amount of sunlight that I gave to other parts of my life.
How do I integrate the parts of my life that I’m not super proud of? How do I love all parts of me. Even the young, foolish parts? The parts that have burdened me with regrets or responsibilities I couldn’t quite shoulder at the time? How do I move toward a whole Me?
Answering these questions has been the work of the last couple years. I’ve made some progress but I find that there are always new challenges on the road to integration.
One of the areas that I often wonder about is Social Media. How do I use social media to face my fears of being transparent? Do I exhibit my scars, or just expose them when asked? Is social media the place for my soul baring? Isn’t it just a curated presentation of our best selves?