I have a voice in my head.

I’m sure you probably have a similar one.

Sometimes, I don’t mind this voice in my head. It allows me to think through potential situations and do cool things like self-reflect.

Most times, however, my voice is complaining and annoying. I mean, it sounds like me, but it often says things that put me in a bad mood or make me angry.

It’s taking me a long time to start to wonder, why exactly I listen to this voice.

I think the original reason is that, like my ’99 honda accord, it was mine. No one else in the world had this particular voice, just me. So who could it be talking to but me. However, over the last couple of months, years, decades. I can see certain patterns in the voice. Patterns that don’t lead to forward progress in certain areas.

I think the voice is deathly afraid of risk, intimacy, and failure.

I’m no fan of these things either.

But I notice that the voice kicks up a steady stream of reasons why I shouldn’t risk a new venture, or let someone close to me, and how I can control failure by working to the exclusion of all other things, whenever I consider something that may fall into those categories.

What’s interesting is that in the short term – the voice is right.

I can avoid risk by not pursuing the things that excite me. I can keep my heart safe by only letting people in so far, and I can prevent failure by working hard on things that don’t matter. If I stay on the hamster wheel long enough, the voice might distract me from the dreams that lay on the horizon.

For me, the first step in growing will be doing battle with the voice in my head and listening to the still, small voice in my soul that is pointing out into the horizon.

Even if that means I have to risk the safe place that the voice considers home.

Fly or Fall.

OFO

[8/4/22]