Yea.

Creation is when we’re closest to God.

Fly or Fall.

So..Yea…There’s something that I keep having to re-learn, that I have to keep re-discovering. I’m hoping that by putting it down – I’ll be able to keep it front and center.
What’s the lesson you ask?
Well, I wasn’t going to tell anyone but as long as you keep it between us and maybe remind me from time to time I guess its cool to tell you.
I’m hard on myself. I need to stop.
..
Yea I know – Mind-blowing, Life-changing, Confucius couldn’t have said it better. But, really – I go through these cycles where I set goals for myself, get disappointed when I discover that I either reached them fashionably late or not-at-all. This mind-numbing depression stalls my goal setting and lands me in a rut (A I-Dont-Feel-Like-Achieving so Turn-On-A-Marathon-of-The-Wire Rut) that I get angry at myself for being in and then one day I wake up (2 Seasons of The Wire later and with a Baltimore, MD accent) and I decide to set some more goals. Its not pretty.

Anyway- I’ve started to realize that I’m not perfect. (That REALLY came as a shock – had to light some candles and consider counseling) – So recently I’ve realized when I get into these moods that feeling sorry for myself isn’t a suitable response. Instead it is exactly at these times that I need to do something, ANYTHING to start some type of movement. As I read recently : “When you do things – Things Get Done”.

So my new goal -is to just start doing stuff. lol. Not random, totally unrelated stuff – although in very bad cases – I’ll start there – so I can at least start to get that productivity buzz that all of us get when we start crossing stuff off our to-do lists. The trick is to start the buzz then maneuver myself so that the productivity train gets aimed at the goals that are most important to me. While tackling the tougher goals straight away always makes me feel much better, sometimes I just don’t have the willpower to start on them right off, so I kinda get on my training-wheel version of Grind Mode and start on the easier tasks then when I get some momentum going – I whip off the training wheels and cruise till I get to where I’m going.

Back to the main lesson: Forgiving yourself for your “human”-ness and finding ways to get moving when you “just don’t feel like it” is a necessary skill. I think the first and most healthy step is to stop beating yourself up and accept that your not going to be Mr/Ms. Super productive always and then get on with doing something. Don’t stand still for to long.
As a matter of fact..

Fly or Fall.

I Love Peanut Butter like this guy loves Rainbows. Get Familiar.

Fly or Fall.

p.s. He might love rainbows just a little bit more than I love peanut butter. I only sob under my breath as I eat them.

Fortune favors the Bold. I’m speaking to us both when I say..chase yo’ m********************************** Dreams!

Fly or Fall.

Man..I’m Feeling the lyrics to Children of the World – but the video for Hometown Hero is my favorite. You may not like this guy…but I do.
Disagree? Get yo’ own blog. lol.

Fly or Fall.

..
Fly or fall.

Today I helped a woman fill her tires. Nah, no innuendo between the lines there. Just at a local texaco station – a older black woman looked at the air machine then looked at me. So I obliged (after I was finished with my tires). Now this isn’t mind blowing in itself. But. When viewed in the light of the modern world as a whole [where men are women and vice versa] – its pretty amazing and self-affirming.

She basically said: “You are a man, you have a place in the world and I respect that and expect you to fill it. Rumble Young Man Rumble”

I may have adlibbed that last part.

lata. Fly or Fall.

“cuz i’m close to the edge”

So.. the other day I caught the tail end of CNN show that looked at a girl around my age who was living on the streets, who spent the day bumming money of passerby’s [with her friends] and using the money to get alcohol and get drunk. She had the ability to go get a job and/or go to school but when asked “why not?” She basically said: “Freedom” – “its cool not having bills, or having to report to a job where my boss yells at me” … and really..I couldn’t even be mad at her. That part of life or the American Dream is not what up.

And that made me think about a..

TED talk [http://www.ted.com/talks/cameron_herold_let_s_raise_kids_to_be_entrepreneurs.html] that I just watched the other day: The topic was talking about teaching our kids to be entrepreneur’s b/c the speaker did horrible at EVERY school he ever attended and had 18/19 of the signs of ADHD, but his dad recognized that he wouldn’t fit into the current American model of School -> Good Job. Instead he trained him from a young age to learn how to make money – without ever applying to get a job. So back to ole girl on the streets drinking – I KNOW that just like the rest of us she has a burning desire to make a difference/ To Live with Passion/ To EXPERIENCE this wonderful/amazing/messy/sad/desperate/Beautiful Mess that we’ve born into and find a way to improve upon it or leave some type of mark. But no one ever let her know there was a way – where she didn’t have to SUBJUGATE (thanks 1985nectar) her dreams of freedom to it. No one ever told her that by joining peace corps she could travel the world and help orphans in tibet, or that she could get her friends together and find legal ways to make money that don’t require an office, or ties, or memo’s, or fax cover letters. So in the end we just lose a creator/innovator to the streets and alcohol.

That pulled my mind in the direction of ..

My best friend. Who is currently living his dream. He’s not balling or anything. Yet. But he’s building something. And it’s something that is uniquely his. Something that no one can take away from him. Something that when he dies – others can look to and say “This is KP’s monument to himself. And Although its ultimately was for him – almost selfish – It helps me, it drives me, it inspires me.” I think that’s the true beauty of following your dreams. They become the food for other people’s dreams. And Lord knows that there isn’t enough food for dreams in the world today. Most popular culture is just fast food for the soul.

Which led me to think of ..

Revolutionary Road. The Movie. Have you seen it? Do you have dreams? If you said no to the first and Yes to the second question –> You need to watch that movie – and I hear the book is better: Its been put on my reading list. Anyway the whole premise of the movie is how the world reacts to people with dreams and how when dreams die – they may take you with them. [But please don’t cheat yourself into thinking that’s all you need to know about the movie – go check out the movie – $1 at the Redbox] And right now I’m feeling like one of the main characters. I’m doing the day to day thing right now – getting toward the Good JOB part of the equation mentioned above. And I’m not excited. I want sooo much more. And my problem is I’m not sure exactly how to translate this hunger into real results, or maybe I’m just afraid. I’m not sure. All I know is I cant stay in this place for much longer. I’m trying to breed a disgust with the status quo and find the impetus to push myself to where I want to be. I know I’m equal to any task that I set my mind to. Just gotta figure out what task I want it to be. Because the task the world is setting for me don’t make my blood rush, they don’t make me stay up at night dreaming of solutions, they don’t make me smile. I want sleep to be the last thing I want to do at the end of the day.
I have a preceptor – who is like that. She works 12 hour days – not because she is forced to.. but because she loves her job. Consequently she is the best at it. I’ve ever seen. Hands down. She can fit more information into a 30 minute conversation than some of my teachers could fit into a 4 hour class that met ever day for 5 weeks.

That’s how passionate I want to be about my work. My life. My future.
Lord Help Me.
I think this is a subject worth mucho prayer.
And even more action.

Fly or Fall.

p.s. I’ma try to keep the faith.

Fly or Fall.

O