Just read a quote that struck me squarely in the eye. 

“We accept the love that we think we deserve.”

How true this is. Excuse my gangsta for a minute while I get soft. #nohomo. The older I get the more I realize that life is all mental. We only rise as high as our image of ourselves allows us to. We all start helpless, and not many of us start off rich. I know I didn’t. #startingatangent

When I think back to my childhood, when we didn’t have much. I can’t help but ask what separated my parents from the many parents surrounding us. What made our path different? What made me different from Donavan, who ended up in jail? Woo-woo who got caught selling drugs? 

It basically boiled down to their view of life and what they thought about their future, and what they deserved. Their vision for our family led us from where we were, which quickly became the hood, to an area with better schools. Their faith saw a future that didn’t exist yet and found a way to create it. But their future-vision can only be explained by their past-experience.

So how does this relate the the previously mentioned quote?

For me I know it does. I’ve made my share of mistakes. *cues Jay-z “Regrets”*  I’m a perfectionist. I’m hard on myself. I sometimes  feel like I don’t deserve love. A love that is everything I desire. 

There’s a quote from a song that I can relate to from frank ocean..

“I dont believe my hands are cleanly/ I can’t believe you let me touch your heart” 

As a result ..sometimes I stop myself from pursuing the women who really catch my interest. I don’t let women close enough to really know the whole me, in order to prevent them from rejecting me.  So I know that the first battle I have to win, is not the fear of talking to beautiful women. Its believing that I deserve a wife. That I don’t have to be perfect. That my mistakes don’t count me out. Seemingly simple things to accept..but easier to accept in theory than in practice. 

Working on Flying. 

OFO