Oh yea, a couple of goals to add to the resolution list:

1. Take & Pass the BCPS exam this year

-So in my field there is an exam that you can take after you have been in practice for a awhile. Its called the BCPS exam. The study materials are dense, thick, and not created for ease-of-use. The makers of this test think its kind of a big deal. People regularly fail it. It ain’t easy. So If I can get this sucker out of the way this year..I’d be happy.

-OFO

Well..hello there sexy.

Fancy seeing you here..almost 19 days into the new year. Getting a late start on your year as well? I understand..nope, no judgement here, strictly a judgement free zone.

Anyway.

I’ve had a hard time getting my mojo going and marshaling my willpower to get the goal/resolution train going. Finally got a jolt of inspiration and focus after church this morning and realized better late than never. So here I am, getting ready to get to listing resolutions, decisions, and other life-changing thoughts. Like a boss. Or at least a mid-level executive. Because to be fair..I haven’t [really]  posted since June 23, 2013..almost 7 months ago. Wanna fight about it?

Since then, a lot has changed.

1. Graduated residency [Yay.]

2. Got a dream job in Atlanta [Double Yay]

3. Moved back in with the parents [No yay] ..although the house is in my name [0.5 yay’s]

4. Decided to do something called daily’s: Daily Works of art on off days, as well as focusing on setting up the groundwork in order to start my grown up company.

So I’ve decided to use this blog..which lately has fallen into dis-use – as a kind of live journal to keep track of my progress. Which will be updated at least monthly.

So Now for your viewing pleasure..I’m getting ready to unveil my 2014 Resolutions/Goals! Brace Yourself.

1. Pay off a 22k Student Loan

In order to accomplish this goal I’ve done the pretty simple math: This breaks down into making twice monthly payments of $560 to the good people at Holders of My Student Loan who have me in Indentured Servitude. So I’ll be free of these dastardly people’s hold on me by the end of 2014! [Triple Yay!]

2. Continue the practice of Creating/Learning Daily.

http://paulcbrunson.com/2014/01/believe-spite-evidence/

This practice is basically my way to water my dreams. After about 29 years of life ..I’ve realized all the easy wins are behind me. From this point on, there are only victories that are snatched from the jaws of laziness. Victories that I’ve had to scheme and hustle for. Issues subdued only after wrestling into the morning with them, and growth that comes as a result of consistent deposits of time.

I’ll monitor the monthly self-investment deposits I make and keep track of it on this blog.

So hours spent studying/researching for my business, Actual creative pieces made, and hours spent studying foreign languages will be tallied.

I hope to increase this number week by week and come up with ways to become more productive throughout 2014.

3. Travel: Internationally (and Domestically)

I haven’t really traveled anywhere by myself ..all the way by myself..and I think this year is the year to do it.

I’ll likely start small and just aim for the Dominican republic this summer. Which actually means I need to start planning soon..

Timeline: Jan 31 – Decide on Dates; Feb 15 – Put in PTO; Feb 30 – Have Bought Tickets ; March 15 – Research things to do ; Date arrives = Enjoy!

I also want to go see my sister in California and spend a good period of time out there connecting with friends.

4. Grow My relationship with God & People

Be more honest with my imperfections and relationship. Let people in.

Be not Afraid. Be Brave.

Monthly I’ll try to do one thing that scares the living day lights out of me..which because I actually have a lot of irrational paranoia’s and unsubstantiated fears may span from initiating awkward social situations to attending martial arts classes.

So there you have it.  My plan to conquer the world..or just myself.

Here’s to our success in 2014. May we be better daily.

Fly or fall.

OFO

Had a little downtime today at work. And, in between the vancomycin, and amiodarone drips, I discovered this song. In between vancomycin, and amiodarone drips, this song discovered me.

I have to take a minute and explain why this song, like *valley girl voice* almost changed my life. *gangsta returns*

Lets start with the video.

Filmed in a nostalgic, wistful voice, it brings to mind a visual that feels like “where the wild things are”  + an old spike lee joint. The main characters are as eloquent as characters in the silent movies. You can’t help but fall in love with the fledgling cupid who tries her best to connect two star-crossed lovers. [Confession: I don’t really understand the term ‘star-crossed lovers’ but it seems like it fits.

Cupid first tells the “gentleman” to try to disguise himself – to put on a different face, to pretend to have it all together. He tries all the different faces, to no avail. The hero then moves on to the epic romantic gesture, borrowed from Say Anything, a 1989 love story starring John Cusack. While cupid is regrouping, the gentleman finally decides to meet the Heroine with the thing she loves to do. Dancing. They end up dancing the night away. And the fledging cupid graduates and gets her arrows.

Dope.

And if the video wasn’t enough, the lyrics are even better. My favorite lines:

“She said lion’s are made for cages
Just to look at in delight
You dare not let ’em walk around
’cause they might just bite”

Which, to me, speaks of not only love but all society. Part of manhood, I think, in these modern times, is coming to terms with the parts of you that are dangerous. The parts that are competitive, that fight, that are aggressive, many of these parts that society tries to cage. But I think, its important that, instead of repressing these parts, we accept them, we control them, but we don’t abandon them.

This concept is even more applicable when applied to blackness. There are parts of being a black man, that the majority would love you to repress, to sanitize, to deny. But I think these things are part of your uniqueness, and to deny them would be detrimental not just to you, but to society in general. Studies have shown, over and over, that diversity is important in the marketplace, as different experiences help us to see the world differently, and thus to come up with solutions that may tackle solutions differently.

Side note: Love the fact that the lady, was so enamored with her life (Dancing) that it wasn’t until she was approached in the right way that she allowed the gentleman into her life.

Fly or Fall. Be Good.

OFO

P.s. If you were wondering what the artist said about the song meaning:
“It’s about unrequited love, the desire for the individual to come out of this box that the woman is putting this man in. He wants to be free; free to love, free to be himself, but he can’t. She admires him to a certain extent. She admires him in a cage. We love lions in a cage and we want to pet the lion if his extremities are shackled. But do we want to pet him when he’s outside his cage? I use that metaphor to speak of a man who really wants to love and who is not allowed to because he’s kept in a box. Men like that song and in an interesting way, it’s like a grown man’s lullaby. You’re still a man, you’re still a lion, but you’re able to express your vulnerability.” – Gregory Porter

Stop what your doing..and listen. Turn the lights down in your mind first.

Thank me later.

OFO

The last weeks have been some of the best weeks of my life.

Nothing epic happened. Nothing epic that you could point to.

There was no lottery ticket. There were no inheritance. Not even a $20 bill in an old pair of jeans.

No beautiful girl… Well, beautiful girls, but none that confessed their undying love for me.

Nothing epic happened externally, but there was a spring cleaning in my mind. A reorganization of my mental closet, if you will.

What did change was the realization that my life was my responsibility. Totally my responsibility. Everything.

The way people treated me was my responsibility. The negativity that I allowed into my life was totally my responsibility. The successes that I am proud of, and the failures that still twinge. I came to terms with them. I accepted myself. Warts, bad habits, pain, weaknesses, fears, and strength.

I got free. Free even with Sallie Mae shaking her chain. Even with the familial responsibilities that I have to face when I get up from this computer. Free. in spite of, not because of anything.

I took a honest look at the issues facing me, and I started to work on changing them.

This realization changed some things. And by some things, I mean everything. In the midst of this realization I threw off a lot of the definitions and paradigms that I used to define myself. This was helpful.

However, now I’m on the other side of this realization and trying to figure out if I threw out the baby with the bathwater. I’m wondering if there are some restrictions I should keep. Wondering what guidelines protected me and which hindered me. Trying to look at the old pieces of myself that I threw off and figure out what piecesI had on for warmth and which I was wearing to hide in.

I’m in the midst of working some things.  Pardon my progress.

OFO.

 

Bumpin. Heavy.